안녕 !

Alrighty everyone!

I'm finally back after disappearing for like 9mths? Okay, so throughout this 9mth, many things had definitely happened to me. Somehow, I tend to be quite negative these days. All I could think of are those sad, disappointing and embarrassing moments.

Well, shall keep you updated of what's going on with me nowadays. #leggo

FAMILY

Family.... Hmmm. Nothing much has changed between my r/s with my mom..... I just don't know how to fill up those gaps anymore, during the time when we were separated bcos of me studying in Singapore. Somehow, she seems to be very distant to me. I really do not know how to kill the time when I'm alone with her other than watching pre-downloaded videos on my phone.... I just miss those days when we were so close. Or is it just me? cos I finally found somewhere that I think I really belong to? I love everything everyone here. There is a voice occasionally whispering to me, kind of wanting to to stay further from her. But well, the next moment, I regretted how I've hurted her. Those times that I talked back to her, put her in the last priority after my friends, find her irritating and burdensome, and the worst.... wished that I could sever ties with her. I'm really sorry mom, I know that you just love me but I'm in my rebellious age that I couldn't express how I feel really well to you.

Dad? Hmmmm. Okay, there has been something like this ever since I heard of the death of my sec school's friend. I just can't help but to tear whenever I think about the moments that my dad and I had missed, since childhood. Nowadays, he seems to be very very lonely. I mean, a 60yrs old father (YES HE'S THAT OLD ALREADY) has yet to get the acknowledgement from his family. I mean.... Idk.... I can't help but to sympathise him. Most dads have probably retired by now and enjoying their life at home, but he has to work so hard in the field, and sometimes in the middle of the sea every day. I feel really sorry for him. Recalling how dark his face has became, his countless wrinkles that show, his fragile look whenever I return back home have never failed to ache my heart. I wish that I could spend more time with him now, but things are just not the same anymore. The one thing that I couldn't say out bravely : "I love you and wish to turn back the time, dad. You deserve another chance."

Alright, enough with those emotions. My sis is getting married WOHOOOO! Yes, and I'll be her only bridesmaid this 27 Dec '14 heheheheh :D But I guess, we're going to be even more distant then... :( (oh great, I'm back with this emotion again :/)

And oh, we are finally moving house at Batam! Like really own one, this time is really OURS ok. Since we've been renting houses all this while. But the funny thing is that our house kinda get smaller and squeezier every single time we move house. This time is not exceptional either.

Alright, that's all for today! Yes, I mainly focused on family to avoid too lengthy post LOL. Will continue with the rest of the updates soon! See you guys then! :D Off for a night run #leggo

等你一句话

So actually for those who were close with me 2 years back, you guys do know that my heart did melted for this guy Mr.K (which we shall address so in my posts). He was probably the first and the most gentleman I've ever met then. It seems like he wasn't even my type from the start based on his physical appearance (yeah, judger me. he looks good but his height is just not that up to my expectation sorry) but due to a close interaction with him during his trip to sg that time (and I was kind of their tour guide?), I realised what a nice person he was. He is just pleasant to be with and I just can't help but to fall for him.

I like the way he teases me with his mean yet flirtatious remarks; the way he would protect me with his actions; the way physical contact like accidental hand brush that occurs when we were walking close, the way he scolded me for shooting at him all the time during L4D game at LAN and the way he directed me with both of his hands firmly grab my shoulders.

Oh oh and did I mention how thoughtful he is and man he is, despite his size? He might not be the most romantic guy ever, but actions speak louder than words. At least he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, isn't arrogant and doesn't have the attitude problems like how my father is.  

And through the 5 Love Language Test, it is accurate that I my love language is actually physical touch.

Okay, I know what you are thinking but don't get carried away by judging me as you  read the words "physical touch". I'm not sexual driven or anything okay. This was the description based on the result of the test :

"To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch."

So........ You got the idea already? 

Anyways, the purpose of this test is to find out what you actually look for the most in a relationship so that you can communicate about your needs to your partner in order for you guys to last long okay? Sounds good isn't it? :) 

And yep, it's definitely accurate! I know the question are kinda wordy and a bit too much to answer. Some questions are actually repeated, but don't fret coz it is just a way that the test reconfirms what type of lover you really are. So, just bear with it kay? 

(So here's the link just in case you guys want to try out as well: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/)

However, my heart kinda aches when he got into relationship with one that I know and selfishly, I do hope silently that they .... *ahem* you get what I wanted to say right? 

Even after Mr. K came to sg to pursue his diploma, their long distance relationship seems to go well and I kinda envy them when I was out with them a couple of times. I always slapped myself hard in my mind in order to remind myself that he was attached with a very sweet and beautiful girl that I would never ever be able to replace. What I could do was slowly trying my best to let go and give them my blessing silently behind the scene. And knowing him being proud of how their long distance relationship lasted aches me y'know. I was very careful with my actions so that he couldn't tell that I actually had this affection towards him but I guess it was hard coz he treated all the girls the same okay. 

Why must he be so irresistably gentleman omg. Why Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy.............

But just a few months back, they officially broke up. I should be happy isn't it? But I just kinda empathise him and felt very wasteful for the relationship that he was so proud with. Worst still, the reason behind is due to the lack of interactions. Ouch. It just hurts to hear that the girl finally could not take it and decided to let go of him. 

So we hung out more often lately and we sort of joked more about relationship thingy. I just kind of 暗爽 when he joked about this type of stuff with me okay, but I just reacted like how we normally bicker. I do open up myself more in front of him lately and more physical contacts constantly occurs and he even pulled my fingers when he was trying to disturb me with the beef full of blood in the market. I know that it was just him being friendly and that was why I tried damn hard to maintain myself in order for me not to get hurt if it was really just a misunderstanding. Even if it was a misunderstanding, I believe that it will be 美丽的误会. I do not really know if he feels the same way as I do or if anyone else had seen it through but I'm actually just waiting for that one question. 

Sounds dramatic right? Just that one question, and I'd have no more regrets man. 

Being Extra

See, they didn't even take my words seriously. Never. They weren't even listening to me seriously when I said that I'm joining their plan to stay at The Loft. J used the "this is a CCA thing" as an excuse as well. But it was for CCA only from the start, if that was the problem, why bother mentioning it and asking me and V to join from the start? Or is it just meant to be for V from the start? I was just being extra and thick skin enough to say that "I'm joining". And everyone swears that they didn't hear me mentioning it. I'm not angry. No, I'm not. I'm just disappointed that no one has taken what I said seriously. No one had been listening to me seriously. What on earth am I? What's the point of me clinging to this group?

If the problem lies with CCA, I can just simply join, can't I? Just like what V did. But no one even bothered to ask "Hey, you wanna join the CCA so that you can join us at the Loft?", or "Hey, are you really not staying with us?". Or if they've forgotten that I was around when they talk about it, then they should be saying "Hey, you free on the Vesak day? We staying at the loft, you want to join us?"

Now, they just simply use the excuse of "oh it's full already".

No, you don't get it. It's not about the stay that I mind about. It's about my position in you guys' heart. It's about what I really am to you guys. You guys just don't discuss anything with me. It's not that I want to be 霸道 and want yall to listen to me like some 老大 like that. I just want to be part of you guys, I just want to get involved. But why is it that difficult? I do have dignity. I don't like to take the initiative all the time coz I don't have to do this in other group. I can't even comment anything anymore at this point of time since that everything has been set, those who need to join the CCA has joined, those rooms are already full, those plans are already made. Complaining much won't change anything. I just hope you guys can really 将心比心, put yourselves in my shoe. It seems like you guys have each other to count on, but I don't. I'm just alone. Whatever I missed out, I need to catch up and find out by myself. If I don't, then it's too bad. Coz you guys are not obliged to do all these for me, you guys are not my maid. The treatment is just so different when it comes to me (you know what I meant).

I know, you guys can just say "Since you feel happier with your other friends then go and join them lah, go and find them and stop complaining about being left out when you're with us." But that's how I value you guys, that's how important I treat you guys that I want to do whatever it takes so that I can really be a part of you guys. But do you guys really appreciate my effort? Or have you guys been paying attention about it? It seems that I'm one of you guys just by a look at it from an outsider's view. But.... am I really one?

I really really feel damn extra. Should I just leave this group and probably join the other clique in the class? What's the point of all this shit? 

Sorrow.

You gave me hope, you encouraged me, you let me see the light when I was in the darkest part in my Poly life. Now you are leaving me, pushing me aside, or rather forgot that I'm being left alone aside. 

I used to think that you are the most reliable one but I start to question myself lately. Do you really understand me that much? What I meant by "understand" is being able to tell what's on my mind when I don't utter a single word. But.... are you really that understanding? or rather, have you given up on me? 

Idk what's happening lately, it just.... sucks. Everything sucks. Studies, work, overseas trip, and friends. It's like everything is decided and settled without me getting involved. Everyone is forgetting that I'm around. No matter it's in class, lecture, canteen, or just anywhere even in pictures.

Once bitten and twice shy, announcing it out loud just doesn't solve anything regarding this. Even when I tried to hint so loud, no one hears my cries. 

No one bother to reply or discuss about whatever mentioned by me seriously, but when another person speaks, I'll hear responses.

Sigh, you guys aren't me. So you won't know. It's like I'm going back to my previous  state, wonder what am I to you guys. 

Is it just me or you guys do feel so? Nah, I guess you won't. Anyway, I think everything has proven that I'm just being 不自量力. True that, I really do not know where do I stand. Sometimes you let me in, but push me out at times. Or is it just me who think that I could blend it that easily? Is it just me who think that half year has brought us closer but actually we don't? Coz I'm forever half year behind, true?

I just hate it when I'm not involved for most of the time. Don't I have opinion? Don't I have preference as well? Ain't I a human? I really can't find any reason to smile, to laugh anymore, especially in school. It's as if I'm with a group of people, but having some arguments with the members, coz we totally don't talk. I can sit in class for 2 hours tutorial followed by 2 hours lecture and not opened my mouth at all. It does happen, just observe if you care.  It's not as if I don't wish to talk, but no one to talk to. It's not as if I wasn't trying to talk, it just that no one seems to care about the convo that I've started and no responses as if I'm talking to myself. 

Even those perfect workmates are leaving one by one. And I'll be left by myself again. 

Sometimes, I'm really surprised by myself being extremely high and sociable most of the time when I'm with my swimmates and ISC friends even when I don't see them everyday and commit that often. 

Sigh, this is just stupid. Who am I even ranting at right now? Myself. No one will be bothered to read this. Everything sucks. Sometimes I do hope that I can control my own mind so that I can really stop hoping. 

我好像。。开始喜欢你了。。

So yeah, I'm employed! :D Currently I'm working at Ichiban Boshi a.k.a Ichiban Sushi @Raffles Place.

I like the working environment very much and the fact that I'm very welcomed there by the staff. So, let me introduce few important ppl in the outlet :)

May : 

-- the manager who interviewed me

-- super strict Vietnamese 

-- can be damn fucked up at times but can be damn super nice at times too! 

-- kinda likes me a lot coz I've been showing her good impressions 

alright, you may call me boot-licker, but you can't deny that you need connections in order to work in a happy environment, true?

Bea :

-- Phillipino manager who manages schedule

Terence Nguyen :

-- https://www.facebook.com/terence.nguyen.79?fref=ts

-- yep, the second vietnamese with the surname "Nguyen" that I knew after my good friend Hoa :)

-- the first staff that I saw and talked to

-- senior staff coz he has been working for like 2yrs for attachment

-- kinda flirt but quite good looking and attached

-- friendly and always tease me by calling me "Baka" ;(

Valerie :

-- secondary school friend who introduced me to Ichiban Boshi

Kai Yuan :

-- malaysian kitchen staff

-- married father but like to flirt with me LOL

-- always cooks scrambled egg and salmon skin for me :)

-- quite cute at times , haha :D

Ah Yuan :

-- https://www.facebook.com/waiyean.wong?fref=ts

-- malaysian kitchen staff

-- good looking but attached as well

-- likes to flirt and I kind of enjoy him flirting with me

-- we text almost everyday, a 'talkable' partner

-- often took train home together as he stay at Yishun

-- often have heart-to-heart-talk sessions

Phillip :

-- https://www.facebook.com/obsolete.felix?fref=ts

-- transferred here from Great World City outlet a week after I joined

-- oh ya, did I mention that he's a NP student as well? :P

-- in engineering course and canoeing *goshhh :D*

-- damn handsome but another attached guy 

老陈

-- dishwasher china uncle

-- praises my smile all the time

-- always brightens up my day with him friendly smile

-- offers me food without fail , hehe :P

Sigh.... like all the good guys are either died or attached, damn sian.

So yeah, you must be wondering how does the title be related to this topic. Hmmm... actually, I had this mixed feeling towards ah Yuan. Coz he's like my type and I do have 好感 towards him but I don't wanna be the 小三 in his relationship and I don't want our friendship to turn sour just because he knows that I actually do have feelings towards him. 

I wonder if the feeling grew because we've been texting almost everyday. 

Lately, he's quite worried about his girlfriend stuff as his girlfriend is going into army in Malaysia soon. (btw his girlfriend is also 18)

So yeah, I can see how his mood changes a lot and he becomes less flirtatious which is supposed to be a good thing. I know that this is weird but I kind of miss him being flirtatious to me and text me everyday. Now he has stop doing it due to his bad mood. I kind of feel sad and have this feeling of emptiness inside and my phone became quite quiet. On top of that, due to three new staff being attached to our outlets for 2 months, manager cut down part-timers' working hours. Sigh. Lesser money. and I can't go home often with Ah Yuan coz Bea doesn't put me for work. :(

Actually I'm also not that sure if I really like Ah Yuan as boyfriend or not, coz it might be just an impulsive feeling as a friend who used to text you everyday suddenly stop doing so. But anyway, I'm trying to 收起 my feelings towards him before it's too late. 

And I'm gonna endure this "him" for another 1 mth coz his girlfriend will be in the army for 1 mth. Sigh. 

I miss him, hope that he'll 'return' soon. 

But anyway, I really really do enjoy working there, I love all the people there as they are damn friendly and understanding and funny. They don't rage without reason and they are just damn nice to me. 

Looking forward to the next time working there :)

Study week or Working week?

Alright, today is Monday though it's gonna end soon and it's the official first day of BA's study week.

Right, which means next week is actually my exam, right after CNY holidays, sad. 

At first I've been indecisive whether I should go back to Batam or just stay in Singapore to work and study, but yeahhh bad things do happen on me. My working plan at the Orange Lantern kind of dismissed due to my availability to work on weekends. The supervisor was straightforward enough to tell me through the phone that, "If you could work full shift on weekends, I would have called you long ago."

Hmmm. So are you hinting me that I should just stop waiting for your call? Alright, I've given up the moment he told me so. 

Next, I proceed with the Gardens by the Bay's plan. I really wanna work there, like damn cool and I've never been there before. But they told me that they are still arranging for the interview dates and they'll only call us this week or next week after CNY.

Fine, then I might as well wait for a while more while concentrating studying. That's what I thought I'll be doing for the rest of the days before exam.

But I happened to be assigned the task to arrange timetable at my workplace @SSC. What a rare chance to  put my name in the list as much as possible so that I can earn more. Yeah, there goes my study week. 

At first, I was naive enough to think that I could do some revision at SSC while waiting for the working hours to pass. However, there are so many events coming soon that a lot of people will be borrowing blazers and requesting for replacement of result slips due to the application for local uni. 

Today is the first day of this whole misery for the week. I've experienced enough how chaotic it was and I was kind of frustrated with the way Doris actually gave instructions all the time. She'll be damn nice during your personal time but when it comes to serving people, she'll be damn sarcastic and forever contradicts the thing she said. She'll just go book by book and another minute will tell me to be more flexible when I insist the customer to do something. What's this, it just makes me look so stupid in front of the customers, like I'm some newcomer or troublemaker who don't know how to handle shit myself. In addition, the crowd was horrendous and I can't really multi-task while working that well. I was like having some hangover due to lack of sleep, but I need to ensure nothing goes wrong so that Doris won't have single thing to pick on me. 

So, there goes my day. I wrote down my target for BStats today, which was to finish studying another 3 chapters, but I really have done shit today.

Just 30 mins before I ended work, I finally remembered that I was supposed to help Jiahui's mom for the cleaning job as her ah gong passed away and her family is quite busy with the funeral, causing lack of manpower. I hardly earned $20 after working with my terrible back pain and stiff shoulder, but spent it in a flash buying the 百凤丸 that mom kept on forcing me to buy. She said that it's damn good esp. for girls to 'clean' their body? Yeah, 6 freaking big boxes with only 15 small little pills in each and it costs me that bloody $20 hard-earned money. Mom said that she'll pay me though, as she kind of felt bad coz she said that I kena scam. O.O

I was like damn pekchek, if I have never listened to her and I don't buy that, I won't kena scam and won't even need to spend that bloody $20 right? I'd rather top-up my ez-link card, seriously. 

Sigh. Reached home and the first thing I did was just ranting here. Gonna eat my twister fries and ton to at least reach my target for BStats first. Working at 11am tmr but everyone asked me to go earlier if I could. Sigh. I try. :(
The only thing that really keeps me moving on and persevere for this last shitty week before exam is home. Going back to Batam again this Friday with fellow friends to celebrate CNY with family. Then we'll go out on second and probably half of the third day? coz I'm gonna come back alone on the third day as I have test on fourth day. Double Sigh. 
After that, hopefully the HR staff from Gardens by the Bay will contact me by then, or else I'll be joining Valerie to work at her current working place coz I wouldn't possibly rot for 2mths at home, right? and in order to have my big plan come true, I know I'll have to sacrifice and sacrifice. 

But not forgetting the constant motivation that I have is by having those awesome friends around me, like my Batam's friends; polymattes like Vannessa, Jocelyn, Celine; then SSC colleagues(DPA peeps) like Fir, Ben and Kim; last but not least my swimteam mattes Keith a.k.a. "Yuan Didi"! [coz his full name is Keith Tan Chong Yuan] haha! Ohh ohh and KinYong SyaSya, Darius the clown too! They are the ones I want to smile at everyday when I see them and they won't fail to bright my days up :D
Jiayou, Yixin! :)

Slowpoke

Hahahahaha I'm really damn slow omg. Yesterday during the dinner with the guys, we talked about those ghost picture pranks, like video about baby and the face suddenly turns creepy. Like your friends send you a link and when you click it, that creepy picture just pop up and fill up your entire computer screen with the stupid but loudest scream you'd ever heard coz you turn on your comp's volume too high.

I mentioned about Hoa once sent me a link for online game and when I won the round 5, this creepy thing pop out with the scream *and I was with my earpiece*

So Ys mentioned about this prank where the face will pop out while you read a comic. I thought that it was quite a creative idea coz I've never heard of it before, so I asked him to send me the link. But I totally forgotten about that.

This morning I saw Ys posted this thing on my fb wall.

Yep, this one

So I was like, uh? What's with that picture? and what is that "cute" referring to? I thought that he was trying to be random or something, but I don't get what he meant. So I replied this.

up to this point, I still didn't get what he meant

I was like "uhhh? why JY? Why Ys so random??" Though I didn't understand, I just played along with him.
Then at night, I saw Jy's reply for the post.

up to this point, you should know what's the link about

Again, I was like "what??? why these ppl so weird today? what bad feeling? It's just a picture of a guy what. And I show you a picture, but you mentioned 'watch' out of nowhere. What toking you???"

After that, I decided to click on the link once again and scroll all the way down. At first I thought it was nothing coz all the words are in Korean, and I don't understand a shit. I realised that it's a series of comic but the bell didn't ring yet. So I just kept on pressing the arrow key on my keyboard and then the screen came to a stop where this bloody face pop out.

We have a badass here 

And I was like WHAT THE FUCK???? I was stunt for a moment and LOL-ed after that. HAHAHAHAHA. Now then I remember about what Ys said LOL. So I went to reply Jy's comment and told them about how slow I was LOLOLOL. Fooled. Totally. 

Now I know why Ys mentioned about Jy there, coz Jy is super scared of these types of scenes LOL

Then I went back to the page as I thought that the comic hasn't ended yet, and indeed.

Here comes the next next screen LOL

Hahahahaha Nice one. I was speechless. Though I know that the picture alone wasn't scary at all, but I was really scrolling down without any preparation or anticipation for something like this. At all. LOL

Alright, so that's the end of my story for tonight. For those who want to experience the whole thing personally, feel free to click on the link below. and. ENJOY! :D

http://comic.naver.com/webtoon/detail.nhn?titleId=350217&no=20&weekday=tue

Nights! Sweet Dreams~ 

The Red Day

Alright, so the title of this post is actually referring to the first day of my period for this month. This morning, I woke up feeling slightly wet and uncomfortable. So I went to washroom to check and indeed, my "great-aunt" came to greet me. Immediately, I felt the menstrual pain and I swear, this could be the second time I've ever felt so pain throughout all my periods before. So, I immediately grabbed  a slice of bread and just stuff it into my mouth so that I could eat some painkillers. 

What makes me feel sian even more was the fact that I actually got an appointment to smooth-rebond my hair, which means I need to go out early and sit at the salon for at least 4hrs? 

Alright, double sian.

In the afternoon, I texted few ppl like Crystal and Hoa for dinner but both of them had plans at night. So, I tried my luck texting Edmund since we had not have dinner together with Jq, Ys, Jy and Sx for superrrrr long time, miss them so much. And yeap, they all agreed, whooooo! :D

Before I went to Edmund's house, I bought bread from BreadTalk and forced myself to eat again so that I could have the second round of painkillers. (It was really pain, okay?)

Had a wonderful evening cacthing up with all their jokes about their classmates and school. Other poly seems to have much interesting as compared to NP and in fact, there's no funny stories about our classmates that Jq and I could share. But nvm, it was a very enjoyable evening. Seriously, I could say that nothing is more enjoyable than to be with this crazy bunch of people I've known in Secondary school. *ohhh I miss those days*

Reached home around 10pm+ after buying lots of sanitary pads from Shop & Save. I can really open up a shop and sell all my sanitary pads man, I've got different brands and different lengths, that's exaggerating I know, but since I haven't found a really suitable ones to stick with, what to do? :o

I just realised that the pain was getting stronger as I reach home, for whatever reason, so I asked my aunt for painkillers as mine wasn't effective enough, today. (Just for today)

So I proceed to the store room to dig out all the sanitary pads I have and I found this! 

Present from Crystal during her Taiwan trip!

Hahahaha, and tell you what, the things that I'm going to share below will be a super epic joke that I've ever created! You'll rank me as the stupidest idiot you've ever known in your life! LOLOLOL

Yeah, it's a sanitary pad packaging. I really had never doubted that packaging before, and because it was really soft when I pressed down, I've always thought that it's a pack of sanitary pads!

So when Crystal gave it to me, I was like "uh??? sanitary pads???" 

*LOL, for that moment, I thought that Crystal was really the cutest girl I've ever know, Hahahahaha REALLYYYY* 

Hmmm, come to think of it, I've never opened it before, I didn't even know about the size and the length of the pads inside. I wonderrrrrr.

But before I opened it up, I started to really observing carefully the packaging because I thought it was really nicely decorated. Then, I realised sth amiss. Uhhhh? Expiry date???  What's next? 

WHATTTT? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? NUTRITION FACTS?

I was like WHATTT? ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS? Since when does sanitary pad "nutritious"??? UHHHH????

My phone camera was lousy, so I decided to type it out

Then I started to analyse every single chinese word carefully and I saw 棉花糖 and I was like LOLOLOL ROFL LMAO OMG HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING MAN, OMG CRYSTALLLLL OMG HOW DUMB I WAS!!!!! 

And she gave it to me like 2 months ago? I've not opened up coz I thought I'd only be able to use it when my period come, LOLOLOLOL

Inside was so cute LOLOLOL

Marshmallow! :)

HHAHAHAHAHA I still cannot believe how stupid I am, really! Sorry Crystal, for 辜负 your present LOLOL and thanks! 别致的包装，甜在心里! Hahahahaha

If my period never come, I might not have ever opened this up, will I?

I bet Crystal will be laughing mad reading this post.

Super stupid joke for the night LOL. What a stupid me. XDDDDD

Outcast

P.S. before you start to read this post, don't read if you are Vanessa or Jocelyn (I know you guys don't stalk me, but just in case there's such thing called coincidence), coz this blog is the only place where I can really say my 真心话 already, idk where to go if I cannot do it here. I don't want any of you to feel bad or backstabbed or angry coz of the things I'm going to say. It's just my PMS period again.

Alright, then I shall start saying what I really want to rant about.

I don't like this. I really really don't like this feeling. The feeling of being an outcast, outsider, being extras, these feelings are back. 

I thought I've found the clique that can really last for my next 2 years in NP, but I doubt that it will last long too. Lately my female friends in my class have started making friends with the guys, R created this whatsapp thing. whatsapp. I'm so anti whatsapp already. Why can't I afford a phone with whatsapp? Why do I have to work so hard but still worry about money? Why am I not born in a better family? Why unlucky things always happen on me? Why am I always the one being forgotten, being outcast, being sacrificed among my friends?

Okay, let's talk about whatsapp. That's the main reason of why I was being left out in TA30. I really really hate how they are focused only in their own jokes which I do not understand and no one bother to explain to me coz it's a long story for me to understand. If I got whatsapp, I'll know. 

That time they went for outing without even informing me and they called it a class outing. "class" uh you say??? I didn't fucking know a shit about it. Karin told me "uh? u don't know meh? I thought they got say in whatsapp?" I gave her that look and replied "how would I know? since when do I have whatsapp?" and she gave me that guilty look. 

Now, this class is creating whatsapp group again. All their inner jokes, their whatever zoos, whatever papi mami thingy, no I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Why must mankind create phone? Why not like last time where youngsters foster their friendships through outdoor bonding, face-to-face contact? Why must there be phone,  whatsapp created which result in ppl who cannot afford those luxury stuff being outcast? Okay, it's not a luxurious thing for you to own iPhone, Samsung galaxy, blackberry alright? but for me, just by signing Sony experia contract, I need to make sure I've got enough pay to support that monthly payment okay? For the sake of those whatsapp and friends thingy? No, I don't have parents to support my expenses, they cannot okay, I don't want to increase their burden but I increase my own, but where does this burden really come from? I know, my friends didn't force me to buy smartphones but who wants to be left out? This feeling is terrible kay? Sometimes I really hate the fact of how poor I am. Why can't I be like the rest, just 伸手要钱 from parents? R complained about how she think that she's being treated like maid to do housework, but what's the big deal of housework? we are adults, we are suppose to help for this thing isn't it? I do housework kay? I do housework everyday when I'm still in Indonesia kay? Now it's even worse, you can imagine how I handwash my clothes myself, iron my clothes, sweep the floor, etc etc etc + regular work. Yeah, they always say that I so hiong coz I work almost everyday, so yours is no big deal as compared to mine. Whenever there's overseas trip (OIP) announced, I can only let those chances being taken by others, I didn't express how I want to go so badly, but I do. I've never went once. But I don't even dare to let my mom know. 

 I hate working like a cow, sometimes I just feel like a money-making robot, but I do feel tired okay? I don't like this, I'm so tired. I'm so poor that I got no time to bond with my friends (coz I need to work), don't have smartphone to whatsapp with the rest, cannot go OIP and I miss those learning opportunities, are these reasonable reasons for me to lose most of the friends and opportunities around me?

Like when I need people to sit with me during tutorial ytd because I never do my tutorial ytd. Just that once okay, coz it's like 3 tables per row. I just wanted someone to sit with me for 1 lesson ytd, am I asking for too much? but V told me that J they all ask her to sit with them. Uh? What's this? So from the start they all want her to sit with them, knowing that there are only 3 tables. Then, where do I sit? Behind, Again.

Just want to clarify, I always sit behind, but it doesn't mean that I ENJOY SITTING BEHIND ALONE okay? I don't want to bee seen as an outcast that's why I always try to join back they all asap after each lessons end so that I can be seen as a group again. No, I don't mind sitting alone behind,really don't mind. coz I thought it'd be unreasonable to force someone to sit with me, right? unless you really take me as friend and genuinely want to sit with me. I thought by being the one sacrificing, I'll be more easy to get along with. But why everytime is ME? why must be me?

and about last week, I managed to squeeze into the inner table, so 2 tables left. I thought that V will be sitting at the last table coz R is in the toilet. But V sat behind and left that seat for R. I felt bad for V okay, I really felt bad coz I always sit behind alone, so awkwardly alone when you have a clique. R sat on that seat when she came back but moved behind after 5 mins to sit with V. I don't think V texted R or sth, that's 自动. I was like, "what exactly am I?" Now I feel so extra, extra that I want to cry sososososo much when I blog this during Bstats lesson. Because of me, V has to sit behind alone. Because of V alone, R has to move to the back to pei her. Because of this, J cannot sit with V and R, I'm very extra. 

But if they really make some changes from now on just because they know about this, I'm not going to appreciate much coz most of us can read faces, we know what's true and what's fake.

When I nv mention, it doesn't mean that I have no feeling, I  just don't want to be seen as the bad guy, but coz of this, I can only endure the pain myself. 

This morning I was late for FFA tutorial, and as expected, I sat alone again. No one texted me anymore to ask if I was otw or I just wake up or I was sick or for whatever reason I was late. But nvm okay. 

Class ended quite early today but they refused to leave the room. So I continued to sit behind quietly to see if any of them realise that I've been waiting alone since just now. I started to tweet emo stuff on twitter, but they kept on laughing with the guys. whatsapp again. When they finally stood up, no one waited for me, they just went off. I realised that I haven't even opened my mouth to talk to any of them today, but no one came to ask why am I especially quiet and anti-social today. Now I don't feel like talking to anyone today, so get lost. I feel like just leaving without saying bye to any of them when the lesson ends, but I know that I cannot, I'll still at least say bye to V, coz actually they are like so innocent. They just don't understand what's happening inside me, they don't know about my past, they don't understand how I felt when I was being treated like shit by all the friends whom I genuinely cherish so much.

I'm super exhausted, the emptiness in my heart, coz no one is genuinely showing concern around me. 

Rainy Night

So my life had been quite peaceful recently. I realised that I'm feeling better day after day, except for the fact that I haven't managed to find any suitable job on weekends. And I realised something. Once I stopped working for a while, I wish that I'll never have to work to support myself anymore. I couldn't really describe but I really love my lifestyle now. I've never been so free throughout the weekend before, nor have I ever slowed down my step to observe what's around me. 

Honestly, I couldn't believe that I'm only out of job for a mere 1mth. Alright, I know that it's not a small matter for me due to my background, but I really felt as if I've lost this job for like more than 2 mths? Amazing right? Yeah, I don't want this so-called "vacation break" to end. But, what to do? and CT is coming soon and honestly I haven't even realised how many days away from CT until I accidentally put the timetable in front of me this evening. I am feeling super anxious right now. 

This evening I was supposed to go to LT22 to help Christiana, Ys and Edmund to buy the NP shirt (none for me), but I kind of too obsessed doing BStats that I remembered nothing about that. And seriously, BStats is mind-fucking me. I'm so gonna score badly for this module but I cannot afford to.

Saw Sya's post on fb today, she just opened her bakery online shop OMG! Cannot believe that she really did that! She did show me some of her products previously and she described how she loved to bake, but this thought has never come across me where she'll really use this idea for business. This made me feel so guilty and sorry about myself. She's so hardworking and she dare to take the risk of doing sth that she has never done. and it's totally unrelated to her course. I'm a biz student, yet I'm like wasting time in poly, still figuring out what I really want to do in the future with my diploma. I don't even have the entrepreneurship and  creative ideas to survive in this biz world. I'm really scared. 

But anyway, managed to find her birthday from her blog! Hehehe. Coz she was unwilling to reveal her birthday to me the other day when we went out with JS (hehehehe you know what I'm thinking :P) but she told me that I'll be able to find out if I find hard enough. And I did it! It's on 2nd of Sept! :D I immediately saved on my phone calendar as usual. :)

Saw Christee and Elvi's convo on twitter. Christee has always been my best friend all this while but I realised sth has changed ever since she came to Singapore and study in SIM. Probably because we don't stay tgt, you see. The initial plan was so perfect where we'll rent a house tgt with the guys. Then suddenly the guys and us are separated and now even I have to go separate ways with Christee. But the thing that puzzled me is the fact where she can still contact me or text me when she's free, right? She got the time to reply all those comments on fb and chat with Elvi on twitter, yet she didn't spend any single minute to text me and ask how I'm doing. She can also ask me out or pay me a visit in NP since SIM is just beside and her house is just few miles away, right? What excuses she gonna use for that? 

I've probably been the stupidest friend who only know how to give, but no one has ever care to return anything. I really really miss her and feel like texting her but how do I even start with the first message? She probably didn't even know that I've lost my job and I've been mugging at home throughout the weekends and waiting for her message all this while. Please, just let me see this sincerity once. The sincerity of asking me out, a genuine concern. I wish. I really do. 

Attitude Problem

Alright, so the new term has started like 3 weeks ago and I've long abandoned this blog as I've been busy and life has been going on quite well after I got refreshed from the trip back to my hometown like 4 weeks ago.

I was so damn happy to have found myself a clique where I belong too. I swore to myself that I'm not going to be like last sem anymore. For THOSE ppl, I just want to clarify one last time : Hello, I'm not an anti-social, kay? Yall who think that I am, you've made a great mistake cause you are the one who don't accept me. 

In fact, I'm no longer the outcasted one in my class (at least I don't feel so). And in fact, the guys seemed to be very friendly, apparently. Because I've heard a lot of negative comments from my clique about those guys in  my current class, they are hypocrites and I should never ever trust them. 

So, generally people in this clique are good except for one which I don't want to mention the name for this moment. I think that she has got a serious attitude problem. Now I know why they described her as "serious". Okay, this is actually way more than serious, but is attitude problem a.k.a. "AP", okay? 

On the first day of our DSS tutorial, we were grouped and asked to select a team leader. My friend asked if I was okay with AP girl being the leader as she was very serious. I said "sure". Yeap, sure that she's serious, AP at the same time. We had our very first discussion which no one in our team brought laptop except for me. I was doing the part 1 of the project and she was dividing the task for our teammates. The thing is, every  parts of the project are linked. Which means, we couldn't continue the next part unless someone has finished the previous part. So my two other friends were mentioning about this thing and that AP girl argued with a damn serious tone that they can do part 2 w/o part 1 (which she was wrong). Then my friends tried to explain to her, but she just didn't get it and she got more agitated instead as you could just tell from her gl face and defensive tone. She might not have realised, but I was exchanging eye contact with Vanessa and both of us laughed awkwardly as we didn't know how to stop that so-called "argument". Thankfully, that AP girl got what they say eventually but just changed her plan w/o that guilty face or "sorry" mentioned. That gave me the first bad impression on her that she has got AP, stubborn and does not listen to others.

Secondly was about 2 days ago in DSS tutorial class. I was flipping my textbook to refer to do our class work and she sat beside me. She was asking me which one we were supposed to do and what was the instructions. Naturally, we ended up sharing the textbook and I asked "you never bring your textbook again?". She was like damn agitated and replied like this "what AGAIN?! I got bring last week hor!" Then I was like, "Oh ya, forgot. But you never opened your tb right?" Then she got even angrier and said "I got open hor! 跟你讲，我最讨厌被人家冤枉." I was like stunned and kept quiet at that time. I've always have this STM, but must someone got so frustrated over that? That wasn't even the way she should use "冤枉". Sigh. AP.

So today is Vanessa's sweet 17th birthday. We had another DSS tutorial in the morning which I did not bring my laptop cause I thought that my part was done (my bad, not completely done). So, I only realised that when she asked me if I didn't highlight the part of my work. Since she was not in charge of doing part 2, I assumed that she did not need her laptop so urgently and asked for her permission before I borrowed her laptop. I finished my work beautifully and I didn't know that I was back-stabbed till I reach home after the celebration. I somehow went to see her twitter account and discovered this one tweet. 

Bring laptop, don't get to use laptop. WTF. I bring for ppl to use. -.-

This is what I exactly copied and pasted from her tweet. So now what? You as a team  leader should be frank to your members right? I'm fine if you are not happy with me that I did not finish my part completely and I'll be more than willing to accept if you reprimand me because of that. Cause I admitted that I was irresponsible. But what are you kicking up the fuss about? It's not as if I borrowed ur laptop for my own business but it's for the sake of not delaying the team. Some more I returned you, so what's with that “ don't get to use laptop" uh? So what are you buay song about? And you willingly lent me your laptop in front of me w/o saying anything else but you tweeted stuff like that? Come on, don't be so fake man. I've seen through you.

This just led me into deeper thoughts about your attitude problem. Yesterday, when Joyce was charging her iPhone with 80% battery life, AP girl told her that we cannot charge phone unless that the battery life falls below 30% and I agreed on that. So Joyce was like "really meh?". Then AP girl started to convince her with that very serious and agitated tone as she had damaged her own battery before because of that. Then I was  so awkward due to her tone and Joyce stopped her and say "okay okay, relax lah" (with awkward smile).  AP girl did not even say "sorry" or anything like that. That awkward smile, yeah I totally feel it.

On top of that, we went to K-Box just now. After Joyce and Vanessa left, there was like 6 pages of song queued and we were left with 30 mins time. So AP girl kept on saying "skip, skip, skip and skip" just because that the songs are not hers and she didn't want to sing them. She seemed to be skipping all the songs that she ASSUMED no one else was going to sing. I wasn't fast enough to stop her when she skipped some of my song. But that wasn't the main problem. So we came to the last 3 pages and about 2 pages are English songs which I don't think those were requested by us who were left there. So I told her that "actually we don't need to rush already." Then she answered "but still got so many songs what." (as if you'll sing them all? You'll also skip them eventually what) So I answered, "but you confirm don't want to sing those songs one." And here comes her defensive tone once again "不要唱，做么还点?" 
I was like (FUCK YOU, HELLO, NOT I REQUEST ONE HOR, PLEASE GET THE FACTS RIGHT BEFORE YOU ACCUSE PPL. YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE THE QUEEN IS IT?).
Then I was like 啼笑皆非 and answered "不是我点的what." And she continued with her 自以为是 tone "then 是谁点的？" and I was like "how I know?" with the awkward laughter. 

Seriously, you should facepalm yourself man. Hate you so much. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. You made me uttered so much "f" words, congrats. You should really reflect on yourself man.
Yeah, when you are nice, you are really nice, but isn't ur PMS going a little bit too far?
Seriously.

Dream High

credits to Google Image

Alright. So, by now you should have a rough idea of what I'll be talking about today. Yes, Dream High. It's a n awesome Korean drama featuring 6 students who come from different background and their struggles in pursuing their dream, to be act, to sing, to debut, to shine brighter than the rest.

credits to Google Image

This is in fact, the second time I watch Dream High 1 as the story is truly inspiring and not too far from our reality, unlike other dramas which are sometimes quite unrealistic. Yeah, since the name is "drama", it's likely to be too dramatic right? But this is certainly not. 

I like watching this drama because it somehow reminds me that I'm still young, I have a long way to go and I shouldn't have given up no matter what obstacles are coming towards me. Because just like them, I can achieve my dreams someday with determination and hard work. Surely, I have the faith. Though the road might be rocky and filled with danger, but when your dream comes true and you look back, it's certainly worth it. 

credits to Google Image

The drama somehow reminds me about my younger times when I'm still in Secondary School. The way these six important fellow in the drama pursue their dreams do amaze me although I knew vividly that this is only a drama.

The inspiring lines found in the drama are also very meaningful.

"This drama series is far from over.

So.. don't worry about taking things slowly

Compared to those who walk fast, the ones that walk slow are able to see things much clearer

If you ask me who has the greatest potential, I believe that the ones who walk slower will be the more careful, enriched person."

Those are lines said by Mr.Kang Oh Hyuk (the teacher in charge of these 6 people) when Hye-Mi (Suzy) was devastated thinking that her dream was shattered and she was left behind. Far far behind.

She immediately woke up after hearing these lines and gained success after that.

As for my dream, I actually have a lot. However, I knew that I shouldn't be too greedy. Firstly, I must learn from Hye-Mi, put away all my hatred and acknowledge the strength of my opponent (in this case is my classmates, or soon to be ex-classmates). Next, focus on my dream and I'll enjoy the process.

My first dream is to be the top scholar in NP to make my parents proud and prove to those who think I will not be able to make it, those who once laughed at my dream.

credits to Google Image

Next, I want to be a successful auditor and earn a lot of money to buy a bungalow in Singapore. Then, I will want my parents and sis to stay in there with me. It seems to be a simple dream for you, isn't it? But it's so tough for me that my family cannot even own one bungalow like this in Batam. We are currently still renting from others and have difficulty making the monthly payment for rent. Besides, our bungalow is so small and not so presentable. 

credits to Google Image

I just hope that my dreams can really come true. 

Slap Me Please

Guys, today I 闯祸 again. While serving some Indonesian customers, a misunderstanding took place. The auntie told me a lot of unnecessary details that I got confused. So, I double checked with that passenger "so you want to take today last ferry 1820hr?" She replied yes. After I finished checked-in for them, I told them "board before 1800hr" and once again, she replied me "yes". 

Just when the check-in time for 12.30hr ferry was about to close, the members started to run to our counter one by one holding the boarding pass. I had a feeling that something bad was going to take place. The Singaporean relative and surprisingly the auntie as well, insisted that they told me 12.30hr ferry. I've got no time to argue with them and I didn't even bother to say sorry for that case, I was rushing to key in 12.30hr for them only.

They left. I was still in the middle of confusion, with the feeling of being wronged but trying to calm myself down as I explained to Raisha. Then she passed me their old (wrong) boarding pass to delete. I wasn't thinking straight and ended up in deleting the 1230hr. Once again, I feel like slapping myself. I told Huda "shit. They are going to come back again. I just deleted their 1230hr ferry." She hurried off to inform them as I typed their particulars. 

In the end, some confusion appeared and there was one of the passenger whose boarding pass didn't even have problem ended up to have a problem. The status in the system clearly stated "Pre-imm" which means that the passenger had tapped the card and entered the gate. By now, he SHOULD be inside the immigration already. However, for some weird reason which we didn't know, he was still outside together with others. In the end, we realised that not only him, some of his family members encountered the same situation. Eventually, the officers started to raise their voice and spoke impolitely to the problematic family. Huda was doing departure today, so we could tell that she was having hard time inside especially when the family members kept on scolding her and the officers. 

She didn't utter a single word when she came out and I had been worrying for that all the while when she was still inside. I prepared for that long to say sorry but the atmosphere was really tense when she was back. Lynda told me before not to worry as she'll be fine after a while. All of us could tell how her face was as black as charcoal. However, when she came back and started to stay behind (perhaps because I was in front and she wanted to avoid me), I didn't dare to go in as well, nevertheless to say "I'm Sorry". Out of sudden, that two words just stuck in my throat. Lynda then tried to help me by saying "Huda, Christina wants to tell you something." I appreciated her "help" but I would have stopped her if I could because I knew that Huda was really pissed off this time round. I couldn't help but to say "Sorry" because of the awkwardness but she continued to ignore me. Luckily my shift ended half an hour later but it would seemed to be that I ran away after making mistake. I would rather stayed there and observe her change of mood for the rest of the day but I needed to teach tuition. 

Raisha texted me in the afternoon that three of them were not talking and it was very awkward. But after 2 hours later, she texted me saying that Huda had laughed and joked with Sha. Good thing, but I was really scared that she would give me a 180 degree different treatment tomorrow. 어 떻 개???? 정 말 미 안 해 Hudaaaaa. 

I wonder how would she stare at me tomorrow when I entered SindoFerry at 9am tomorrow. It will be full day shift for me btw. Disaster? I sensed the hostility, anger and the resentment already. Should I even say "sorry" again tomorrow? If she's not angry anymore, then I indirectly reminded her about this as I say "sorry", how?? Or if she'll be waiting for me to say "sorry" but I didn't dare to say, how? She's a nice person and I understood why she had reacted that way. After all, she wasn't the one in fault at all. I was partly in fault and the problematic family also, but she ended up to be my scapegoat and being scolded on my behalf. That must have been really hard for her as I knew the feeling of being wronged. I hated it so much. But I really didn't know what to do already. I felt damn guilty till now and I cried all the way in the bus just now. Really really hope that things will turn out well tomorrow. 

So Pissed Off

Hi Guys, sorry for disappearing from this blog for sooooo long. I was working all the time and watching running man that I had no time to blog. Btw, RunningMan a.k.a RM is freakin' awesome, no doubt! It's damn funny and I watch it all the time when I am too stressed with my work and activities. It's always the best cure after watching horror movies from YouTube, trust me! Okay, sidetracked.

Well, yesterday was a long and tedious day although it was my off day. *note that I mentioned "yesterday" cause it just happened to be 12.30am after I bath, hehe. 

So, yeah I went to view flats and rooms with fellow Indonesian friends : Christee, Marchilia, Shanty, Yely and Fera.

Well, you might be wondering why. We agreed to live together for the next when they study in Singapore. Due to the urgency as their school will be unofficially starting on 13 Sept, so they had no choice but to find somewhere to stay before we move to Jurong East (most probably) this Nov. 

At first when I heard that Fera is joining us, honestly I was reluctant. However, cv told me that they had agreed. Okay can. Then, I tried to recall my relationship with Fera. Well, we talked before, though just few sentences. I cannot really recall the reason why, but I had some impression that she was just an unfriendly fellow and.... arrogant maybe???

I felt so bad about Marchi. She was sort of "outcasted" ever since she had that vague relationship with John. Heard that they were somehow dating though they hadn't admitted even once, but action speaks louder than words, true? When we were walking and inside the train and bus, I noticed that most of them were engaged in their group conversation except for Marchi. It seemed that she was alone, so I naturally started to engage conversation with her. Well, I wasn't sure if she enjoyed it or was it just because I was too talkactive but we did talk a lot of stuff except for John. This word "John" seemed to be out from her dictionary. Perhaps, it was the most painful wound that someone had ever created within her, I shouldn't probe in too much. Sorry.

I asked CV how is Fera's personality, is she arrogant? She told me "no if you had known her well enough." So, I asked another question "you are saying yes if we are not close?" After observing her for just within 1hour, I can surely tell that she is certainly treated as the "princess" in her family. She seemed to have everything that a normal person with unlimited wants would want to have and she gave me the impression that she likes to spend money without blinking her eye. 

This afternoon when we were shopping at 313@Somerset, she took a branded bag which I valued more than $200 and asked the shop assistance few questions. Then Marchi told me that she doesn't know her well but she heard from Shanty that she is a shopaholic. CV told me that she bought a $200 branded bag without telling her mother as well. This question might pop out: "where the hell does she have so much money?"

When Vnhaa joined us, I accidentally asked about her sister "then her boyfriend is staying in Singapore as well?" I was kind of surprised when she paused for a while and everyone stared at me. Uhhh what the heck? Then Yely told me that Vnhaa sister's boyfriend is actually Fera's brother. UHHHHH another what the heck? It seems that Fera is the type that don't want to have ties with anyone, someone who think highly of herself. Another bad points to contribute to the summary of her personality. 

She ordered a nuggets set in Burger King. It contains 8(if I wasn't wrong) nuggets, a cup of coke and a packet of fries. However, she took almost 1.5hr to finish her freaking 8 nuggets and played with her IPad. *Show-off Queen* We were all just waiting for her to finish her bloody nuggets so that we can leave to take a tour at SIM. When there are 3 nuggets left and I hinted them "when are we going?", she said "wait for me to finish" with the not sorry, not guilty, I-am-the-king expression. Dafuq? Feel like slapping her. I wasn't trying to rush her, but just to remind her that we were all waiting for her. Then she took forever to finish that 1 final piece and broke it into many parts. Urgghghhhh can't you just fuckin' squeeze the whole thing into your mouth? When I went back from the toilet with Marchi, I still saw that half piece in the box. "FFFFF Can you just freaking eat it?" End up when I laid back and crossed my arm staring at nowhere, she finally asked "You guys not leaving?" DAFUQQQQ then we all said in the same time "waiting for you to finish eating". Guess what she replied "HAHHH? Why never tell me earlier? I've finished eating?" UHHHHH Like we can read your mind like that. Mind you, it was you who said "wait for me to finish my food", end up you finished eating like half an hour ago? Dear, my time is precious. You cannot imagine how much and how hard I wanted to slap her face just now. Walk also walk so slow knowing that we were going to be late and the rest are rushing to take their ferry which was 20mins before that hers. 

When all of us were discussing on how the 5 of them is going to squeeze inside the taxi, Fera mentioned that her ferry is 20mins later than the rest. Wow, good news isn't it? I suggested to CV "why don't the 4 of you take taxi then she take MRT since hers is later and yall are in rush? Yall don't want to spent money taking 2 taxis right?" CV immediately SHHHHHH-ed me and hinted me with her eye motions. Yeah, I got her hint, Fera wouldn't want. Why? Conclusion: She wanted to take taxi. It even assured me that she is really a 千金大小姐. 

Now I dreaded of staying together with her. I wonder how will our opinion clashes and we'll quarrel. She seemed to have a lot of disatisfaction regarding the flat and house that we viewed. When I wanted to show that I respect her opinion, we asked her how is her opinion, she shrugged her shoulder, not giving an answer when the rest showed approval. What does that show? Uh, like everyone must listen to you? 

So, conclusion: I don't like her even more. Hate her attitude. Attitude problem. I swear that she is going to face a lot of friendship problem. Much much much more than me. I can make sure that beside of CV and Desmond(maybe?), no one would ever be willingly to be in the same group as her for project. Hey Fera, you should be thankful that you've got CV and Desmond in the same class as you, if not, don't ever wish that anyone would make friends with you(I'm talking about Singaporean). Seriously, hateful one, spoiler.