See, they didn't even take my words seriously. Never. They weren't even listening to me seriously when I said that I'm joining their plan to stay at The Loft. J used the "this is a CCA thing" as an excuse as well. But it was for CCA only from the start, if that was the problem, why bother mentioning it and asking me and V to join from the start? Or is it just meant to be for V from the start? I was just being extra and thick skin enough to say that "I'm joining". And everyone swears that they didn't hear me mentioning it. I'm not angry. No, I'm not. I'm just disappointed that no one has taken what I said seriously. No one had been listening to me seriously. What on earth am I? What's the point of me clinging to this group?
If the problem lies with CCA, I can just simply join, can't I? Just like what V did. But no one even bothered to ask "Hey, you wanna join the CCA so that you can join us at the Loft?", or "Hey, are you really not staying with us?". Or if they've forgotten that I was around when they talk about it, then they should be saying "Hey, you free on the Vesak day? We staying at the loft, you want to join us?"
Now, they just simply use the excuse of "oh it's full already".
No, you don't get it. It's not about the stay that I mind about. It's about my position in you guys' heart. It's about what I really am to you guys. You guys just don't discuss anything with me. It's not that I want to be 霸道 and want yall to listen to me like some 老大 like that. I just want to be part of you guys, I just want to get involved. But why is it that difficult? I do have dignity. I don't like to take the initiative all the time coz I don't have to do this in other group. I can't even comment anything anymore at this point of time since that everything has been set, those who need to join the CCA has joined, those rooms are already full, those plans are already made. Complaining much won't change anything. I just hope you guys can really 将心比心, put yourselves in my shoe. It seems like you guys have each other to count on, but I don't. I'm just alone. Whatever I missed out, I need to catch up and find out by myself. If I don't, then it's too bad. Coz you guys are not obliged to do all these for me, you guys are not my maid. The treatment is just so different when it comes to me (you know what I meant).
I know, you guys can just say "Since you feel happier with your other friends then go and join them lah, go and find them and stop complaining about being left out when you're with us." But that's how I value you guys, that's how important I treat you guys that I want to do whatever it takes so that I can really be a part of you guys. But do you guys really appreciate my effort? Or have you guys been paying attention about it? It seems that I'm one of you guys just by a look at it from an outsider's view. But.... am I really one?
I really really feel damn extra. Should I just leave this group and probably join the other clique in the class? What's the point of all this shit?
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