I went to purchase my order for textbook with him yesterday. Though it was a short 20mins perhaps? It was enough with the fact that he has brightened up my day. I went back home to relax a while before heading to Lechelle's house to give tuition. I was quite shocked when her mother asked if I wanted to teach her English. I wonder if her mom realised that I wasn't a Singaporean. I told her that I would consider it though.
Had a lecture early in the morning at 9am which lasted for 2hours after which I went to have lunch with Junwei and Nghia. Followed after that, Junwei and I headed to OurSpace to slack for a little while. He left around 12.30pm for his lecture while I was busy downloading MVs to be converted to MP4 and finally Sya replied my message! However, the content and our topic started to turn into disappointment for me as she was trying to persuade me so that I could forget about my EC. Anyway, she was looking for evidence that he wasn't interested at all. I knew that and in the fact, I was the one who kept on denying for him and stated that he did not seem to be interested in me AT ALL. In fact, I did think about it, but I kept on lying to myself and Sya made me realise about this again. I wasn't angry with her, really, coz she had said nothing wrong. I know that I should give up, but the feeling of admiring someone you really like was just that awesome. I did not have this type of feeling before and this is just amazing. I knew that she was not intending to spoil my mood but I just could not help but to keep on thinking about it. It was bothering me, I wouldn't deny. I'm the type that if I like a person, I'll just keep on liking that person for a very long period of time, sometimes even 2 years? Yeah, ikr, that was stupid but I couldn't help to do so.
I was just looking for excuses for him. He would never initiate to have lunch or dinner or to have an outing together, not even started any conversations on Facebook or SMS before. However on the other hand, he has never rejected helping me and seemed to enjoy each and every conversation we had, obviously I was the one who started them every time. However, having a good time chatting made me think that it was paid off. I felt like a dumb who had been cheated in relationships and friendships especially for don't know how many thousands of times, but I just never learnt. Alright, I did learn something okay? but I couldn't control myself to repeat the same mistake. One of them which is liking someone that would never or most probably wouldn't like me back. Idiot right? How I envy those couple whereby they liked each other and ended up together, how fated they are. It had just never happened on me before, NEVER, not even once. Either the person I liked did not fancy me or the person who was interested in me but I wasn't. It was really hard to even find one person that could make your heartbeat raced. That's the only fact I know. Whenever I see him, be it coincidentally or not, I would be very hyped up and sometimes even became nervous for no reason as my hands would shake uncontrollably. I would also hear my heart beats very fast. That type of feeling was the one that I had never experienced before, really.
I have no idea how to let go and I wouldn't want to because I know the next time I see him, the history will repeat itself. How I wish~
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