Problem always comes one after another. I'm so sick of it. Really.
I've never really been enjoying my life since I come to Singapore. There are many times whereby I asked myself : Why are you creating so much burden for yourself? Is this really where you want to be?
Money has always been the responsible of parents and when has it been passed down to a 15 years old child. Come on, now I'm already 17. The God has been joking with me all the time, isn't He? Whenever there seems to be a glimpse of hope, suddenly they tell me that it was not supposed to be like that. Then, another problem arouse.
Even now, I ended up with the tight schedule, while I need to cope with school, project, work, giving tuition and bonding session as well as all sorts of commitment that I wish to join.
I want to join another BAOC (previous one was really fun, not because of my classmates of course. It's because I really enjoy event like that), swimming (till now I could not find a day to go for trial. 10 weeks has passed), rotaract club (their outings and community service that I've been waiting for damn long). I ended up has to reject almost all of them except for BAOC. I'm still kinda worried if I can go for BAOC outing as I had signed up for 2 groups.
Like, are you kidding me? I don't mind to share my schedule here:
Mon : * School 9am-11am, 1pm-3pm, 6pm-8pm
Tue : *School 9am-11am, 1pm-5pm.
*Give tuition 7.30pm-9pm
Wed : *School 1pm-3pm
*Give tuition 7.30pm-9pm
Thurs :*School 9am-1pm, 2pm-4pm
*Give tuition 6.30pm-9pm
Fri : *School 9am-1pm
*Work @SSC 1pm-6pm
Sat : *Work @SindoFerry 8am-6.30pm
Sun : *Work @SindoFerry 8am-6.30pm
Approximately I can only reach home at average of 10pm everyday except for Fri-Sun.
I really deserve a long long long break, don't I? I didn't even get to enjoy my holiday where other teens are partying crazily and having their outing marathon out there to maximise their holiday. But me? Working like a cow. Those money are also used to support my daily expenses which is left with nothing most of the time. What have I been doing for these 3 years? I'm so tired.
From iPhone wait until iPhone2, then iPhone3, iPhone4, 4S, Samsung Galaxy SII. Now Galaxy SIII has even been launched and I had owned none of them. None. It has a really great impact on my social life, friends drifting apart, cannot get up-to-date with my new friends, resulting us in acquaintances. I ended up having low self-esteem and nowadays I even try to show my phone as little as possible. Because I know that the rest wouldn't understand me. Holy crap. Everyone said "I understand. Yeah, I also like that." Crap. You know what I meant by crap? You are not same with me, you wouldn't understand me at all. Your situation and mine is like totally different dude. You've got your parents to support you, you got a comfortable home of yours, don't need to think of how you going to borrow money from, when can you buy new clothes, you've got everything you need. Mostly everything.
Yet, you guys don't know how to treasure them. Look at my schedule man. Seriously, it's insane. I cannot even breathe.
Lately, I even encountered 鬼压床. Yeah, it's like the scientific symptoms where they say occurred because you are really too stressed. Like your eyelid can hardly open, not even half. You know people are just right beside you, but they do not know that you need them, trying to shout but nothing comes out from your throat, your body cannot even move at all, and some scary voice getting louder and louder beside your ear. That incident really freaked me out when it happened at SindoFerry when I was lying on the table and sleeping so nicely. Sha said "nonsense lah you" but I know the best that I was true.
Those friend whom I thought are really concerned about me had really disappointed me one after another. Enabelle is one of them, followed by my fellow classmates. You guys said that you are disappointed at me, hated me, called me with all sorts of rough words like "bitch", scold me with various vulgarities like "fuck you", but have you ever put yourselves in my shoe? Before you made those remarks, have you even think of me or rather why would I turn out to be like that? Who is the cause behind everything? The person who is hurt don't even have the right to cry in pain, so why would you be so cold-blooded and insensitive towards people around you especially people like me who is lack of love and concern?
I don't even have time to care about my crush or hang out with him. Forget it, I think I would probably stay single forever? Anyway, who will like a poor, low-class, ugly and anti-social people like me? Yeah, I'm that awful. I know.
So, yeah basically these are my feelings and thoughts that I've been wanted to pour out with someone but I couldn't find any suitable candidate for damn long. Eventually, this is the only comfort for me. As if someone will read my blog and sympathise me like that. Yeah, Dream on Christina.
Life is about dreams, perseverance and challenge. Those who are tough are the ones who can survive. I wanna be one of them, make those who had ever despise me or looked down on me or worse, has given up on me to regret and reflect upon their own doings. Rather, people don't reflect till the day they realise that everything is over and they gonna leave.
Sigh. With this, I think I should end this long rant and boring blog? Because I've been talking about roughly the same thing most of the time as these problems never want to leave me. Perhaps, they are going to bug me forever till the day I die. Alright, sweet dreams. 加油！
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